dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
