Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My balls are so social today.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
