and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
