A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
