Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
