Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
