Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
