my mouth tastes like poor choices
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The air was thick with penises
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
