Your tits are I can't wait for
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
