U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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