life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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