Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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