he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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