The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
