I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
