you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
im six kinds of drunk right now
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
