No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
