My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Mom said you looked used
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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