I wish I could punch you in the face.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
