Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
