Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
