Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
