If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
