I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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