And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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