i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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