i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
