You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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