I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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