i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
