Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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