I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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