Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
