I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
