handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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