He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
