Sry I called you an 8
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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