i need an iv and a liver transplant
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
