do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
