No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
