Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
