those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
