Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
