Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
