Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
