I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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