Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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