Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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