who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
