So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
