Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
