Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
