I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
