If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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