You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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