I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
