I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
