I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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