will power is for people who don't want to get laid
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
