I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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