never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
