bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I supernannyed him into submission
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
